So my period is currently 6 days late. That should be cause for celebration, BUT according to the test i took this morning, I’m not pregnant.
No pregnant and no period. That is the ultimate level of frustration in my opinion. Like, not only is my body having its cake and eating it too, but I cant even judge what my next cycle month could be like. *sigh*
I’m proud of myself for being able to focus pretty well on work today. It helped that it was a really busy day and i started it off with a benadryl thanks to a super swollen eye. Anyway, i made it through the whole work day with no tears until i talked to my mom. And then I cried a little more when Lamar came home and i talked to him. But the thing is, I dont know how to really express what it feels like to keep hoping for this baby month after month and being consistently unsuccessful. Lamar keeps telling me things like we weren’t active at the “right time” so he wasn’t hopeful.
I keep praying for God to make me no hopeful.
At least if i dont hope, i wont be so devastated every single freaking month.
I’m thisclose to giving up the hope for natural conception.
Maybe we just cant do it.
Maybe I just cant do it.
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